The Expectation Hangover

10 Years Ago…

Sun, 01 May 2011 05:38:31 +0000

May 1, 2001. If I remember correctly, this was the week I would find out that my very first boyfriend, or almost a year, was cheating on me.

When I wrote down that date, I really was curious about where I was. I looked at it, calculated years in my head and realized when it was. I had no idea that date was in close proximity to such a large event in my life. I’m sure it sounds crazy to think that something that happened when I was barely 16 had such a big impact on my life now. The big picture doesn’t say much, but it was from that week forward that I started growing up. My life hadn’t even began yet and already I felt like it was over. It’s scary to think about how betrayed, angry, hurt, and alone I felt, and I had no idea what was to come. The best years of my life were yet to come, and still are. There was so much hope back then. It feels like it faded so quickly but really it’s been a very slow process.

It’s hard to believe I’m a “grown up” now. It amazes me every once in a while that I own a dishwasher or car, and am allowed to go wherever I want, whenever I want in my car. Most of the time I get that feeling I had when I took my dad’s truck out on the road for the first time by myself. Looking over in the passenger seat and realizing I was on my own from now on. Yes I still lived at home and had to graduate high school, but life would never be the same again. I miss that day. I miss that time of being able to make some choices on my own while still having very little responsibility. That was April 11, 2002, just a few days before my 17th birthday.

June 2003 was when I graduated high school. And that August was when I moved to NC. I was so unprepared. It’s hard to believe I survived that and made it out as such a different person. It seems that since then, it’s been mistake after mistake after mistake with a whole lot of “best times of my life” sprinkled in there. I’m at the point I never wanted to be at, the point at which I look back and regret. I can’t fool myself anymore. I can’t trick myself by saying, “I regret nothing because if I had chosen a different path I wouldn’t be where I am now”, and aside from a few amazing parts of my current life, I don’t want to be here. I want to go back and do things differently. I never faced this before because I know this will never do any good. Nothing can be done, but maybe it will do something. So here it goes…

If I could do things over in high school, I would…

Learn a lot more about myself as early as I could.
Not have such serious relationships.
Listen to my mom more and trust her.
Study harder.
Make better friends.
Spend more time with my gramma.
Try out for the volleyball team and LOVE it (maybe to go on to college and play).
Open my eyes and ears more because I had a lot to learn.
Save most of my money from work and not touch it!
Apply to colleges in NYC no matter what I thought I could or couldn’t afford.

If I could do things over in college, I would…

Join a club or (gasp!) maybe even a sorority (solely to meet new people!).
Not move to Raleigh after freshman year.
Enjoy the time to myself.
Study harder.
Never open a line of credit.

It’s amazing to me to think of how many things would be different if I had done even just one or two of those things. Would I have ever gotten laid off? Would I be more financially secure? This is dangerous territory, I know. But I can’t help but feel like I’m making up for it all now, like I’m cleaning up a never ending mess. You know how they say that after a break-up, it takes you half the time you were together to fully recover? I wonder if that’s true with the relationship you have with yourself. If so, I’m sure it’s more like it will take twice the time to recover. That seems about right. If college was four years, it will take you eight years to get all your junk straightened out before you feel like your head is above water. That being the case, I have another four years to go, meaning I’ll be 30. Hmm. I think I’m on to something.

——————–

*Enjoy yourself – that’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are to learn the lessons. And your 40s are to pay for the drinks.* – Carrie Bradshaw

obsession.

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:32:49 +0000

in love.

6.5 in black, pretty please.

thank you, piperlime.

new nightlife scenes on glenwood south.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:34:39 +0000

could glenwood south be the place to be on friday and saturday nights again?

two new places that i have discovered (but haven’t been to yet) are Cashmere and 606 Lounge. i am interested in seeing if these places will restore my faith in glenwood south or if they will turn out to be overpriced or boring.

Brooklyn Heights is a great lounge to hang out at before or after a club. Lucky B’s is the same way. i’ve been to Hi5 a couple times on a friday night when g105 was there and it was alright but, after finding out that the cover is upped to $10 at midnight, that was the end of that. i haven’t been to Haven yet but i’ve heard that the cover is high. there are other places that are great to eat at or just chill but i’d rather go to the warehouse district or moore square. suggestions are always welcome too.

nc state farmers market.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:11:27 +0000

i am now a huge fan of the farmers market. i know i should have gone out there a long time ago but last weekend when i went it was much different. a friend of mine was participating in the Race for the Cure that weekend and another friend and i joined her team in support. it is a tradition each year to go to the farmers market restaurant to have some lunch then paruse the market for next weeks dinner. this was my first week trying to cook for myself in hopes that i would avoid eating out all week. it really worked and now i’m dying to go back to the market this weekend.

so in looking online at the farmers market information, i found this nifty little chart to tell me what fruits and veggies are in season and what i might expect to find when i head out there again. i think it will turn out to be very helpful since my thumb is not nor has never been green.

the raleigh farmers market is open year-round. monday – saturday they are open from 5a to 6p. sundays they are open from 8a-6p.

i highly recommend the farmers market restaurant also. the food could not get any better than that.

for the new book lovers.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:50:43 +0000

in the June issue of Real Simple mag, i came across an article entitled: meet your new favorite book. i highly recommend you pick up a copy of it and check out which book might fit along with your life. a few examples for times to read some of these books are “dipping in and out of the pool”, “a family reuinion is in your near future”, “you want to be inspired”, and “you can’t get away just yet”.

if i get the time to read any of these, i will be sure to post some reviews.

authors.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:54:09 +0000

here is a short list (for now) of a few authors whose books i would like to read:

chuck klosterman

david sedaris

will update accordingly.

raleigh denim.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:43:50 +0000

I saw these guys on indieNC Blog and they look fabulous. I immediately emailed and asked how I could get a pair and how much it would be. They quickly got back to me and said that I could check them out at Beanie + Cecil in Cameron Village sometime around August. Can’t wait!

Raleigh Denim

indieNC blog.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:40:59 +0000

fabulous.

Indie NC Blog

old news.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:34:23 +0000

Cupcake Envy – Custom Ring Box Mini Cake

House Jam Wine

I found this article about restaurants and how many calories are in just one dish from some places. It is incredible that there are no regulations on things like this. It’s no wonder people get so fat and don’t even realize what’s happening or why!!
Calorie-Packed Restaurant Fare

This is a really cool blog that I found about healthy food!
Healthy Eats Blog

This video is super creative and goes along with the song as it progresses. It always puts a smile on my face!
“Far Away” by Ingrid Michaelson on YouTube.com

places i intend to visit soon.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:29:06 +0000

eat+drink

Watt’s Grocery in Durham

Toast in Durham

Federal Lounge in Durham

The Pit in Raleigh

Locopops in Raleigh

shop+see

Brightleaf Square in Durham

Foster’s Market in Durham

The Duke Gardens in Durham

Father and Son Antiques in Raleigh

The Rialto in Raleigh

will be updated as needed.